ADVERTISEMENT

• (718): View more from New York

  My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.

  Fav 35 866 5025

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.

  Fav 19 1153 2579

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (806): View more from Texas

  a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work

  Fav 19 1196 4390

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.

  Fav 17 1116 4613

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Fav 29 6313 2027

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

  Fav 9 4649 1111

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.

  Fav 23 2067 6167

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it

  Fav 15 4605 1122

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.

  Fav 4 1048 751

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.

  Fav 3 652 621

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."

  Fav 1 56 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student

  Fav 0 40 13

  share tweet
  

• (808): View more from Hawaii

  God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends

  Fav 0 62 5

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.

  Fav 0 35 13

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (848): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.

  Fav 0 74 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize