How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
