I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My vagina is very pro this idea
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
