He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
