Do you still have your period?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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