I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My vagina is officially offended.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
