morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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