Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
