Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
