So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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