Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
