There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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