Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
