I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
