Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
