you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
