There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
