remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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