I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
