just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
