If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
