The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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