i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she looked like the before picture.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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