Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
