i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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