There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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