I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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