I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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