Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, I just burned my penis
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
