In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
