dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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