do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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