Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
