I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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