I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
