The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
