WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
