I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
