??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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