Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
