do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
