Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
