1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
