no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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