Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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