careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think im going to throw up on grandma
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
