we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
