He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
