She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
