Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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